Musings

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I remembered Jacob as I personally wrestled with God last weekend.

Friday, a day in my life when all my priorities shifted. 

I had my TVS done and the results are in my hands. All my dreams of being a mother died the moment the doctor said “this is a biggie”. The cyst in my right ovary grew from from 9cm to 15cm. Plus, plus adenomyomas here and there. The cutoff for surgery is only 7cm. I knew right there and then that surgery is 99% on the way.

This wasn’t a first. I had my first cystectomy in my left ovaries in 2009. Surgery this time would me removal of almost everything. Meaning, my hopes and dreams of being a mother — poof! Gone.

I wrestled with God. Because the desire to be a mother is so real, that I held on to these thoughts like glass in my hands. Unknowingly, it’s becoming an idol in my life. I ended up not trusting God, but putting my own desires a priority. Clouding my thoughts and messing up my common sense all along.

#GGv1
July 26, 2017

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