FEAR

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*singing Francesca Battistelli’s “The Breakup Song”

Was it early this morning when I woke up? Or was it when I was about to sleep last night? Between those times. I realized how “fear” has been in my heart all this time. Especially when it comes to relationship. 

I always daydream about being “in-love”, being pursued, getting married… but somewhere along the daydream, I stop myself or just allow myself up to a certain level of “kilig”. It dawned to me that I fear getting a repeat of my previous relationships — all failed. So even in my imaginations, I don’t allow myself to be “too involved” in case I get hurt. 

I fear being rejected so much… I doubted the possibility of God’s best loving me “till death” knowing all my flaws and imperfections, making my previous failed relationships as reference to this. 

Then a thought just came now… How could I experience God’s best if the previous relationships didn’t end? How can I make them as “the” reference when Christ wasn’t involved in all those relationship? Hahaha.

Thank you Jesus for touching my heart today. Thank you for opening the veil of my heart and mind about this today. Thank you LORD for this revelation. :)

#BetterthanGOOD

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